1st February 2020

My Dear Nirbhaya,

How are you? I hope this question is not misplaced, given the way you left us. It's been 8 years since that horrific night. I read about it in the newspapers the following day and I just could not grasp the amount of torture, pain, suffering you must've been through. And for what? What had you done to have been treated in such a manner that'll shame not just the humans' but even animals? To date, I've been unable to find an answer to that question….

Ever since then there have been changes in the laws and the idea of women's safety. Politicians have won and lost elections on that very point but none of the steps taken have made the women in this country feel safe. Since you've passed there have been similar incidents across the country. You obviously must know having met those girls as well. 

Speaking of politicians, did you know our government banned a documentary made on this incident as it showed the nation in a bad light? But never the less, we've all watched it. Frankly, I wish that I hadn't. The recounting of that horrific night will continue to haunt me for the rest of my life. But it nears nothing to the excruciating pain that you have been through. What surprises me is your will to live. The doctors in the documentary said that they were baffled to see you conscious. Having medically assessed your condition they said it was a shock that you were even alive. After you were air-lifted for better care you told your parents that you want to live. Since then you've been our Nirbhaya- the fearless…. 

The reason why I'm writing this letter to you today is to tell you that your culprits will be hanged to death on the 1st of February, 2020. Though your pain and suffering will always leave us all scared forever, this is a small attempt of salvation. The justice came in late and is not in a  balanced way yet it is what it is! 

We've as a society failed over and over on many counts, this being the biggest failure of them all. If tomorrow the human race were to become history, I wonder if it would be our triumphs that'll be remembered or would it be our failures that'll mark our presence?

At the end of it, there's one thing as a woman that I've realized is that this is a never-ending battle. There might be a faint trace of light at the end of this tunnel but the entire tunnel is pitch dark. We are going to have to fight our own battles with the armor that's best suited for us. I just wanted to say that I do hope you forgive us all. You were the reason that the battle of women's safety took a revolutionary turn in this country. Wherever you are, know this that you are and will always remain, "India's Daughter".

From, 
A Daughter.  

RAIN,RAIN...

I sat in my room head down, studying and bearing the heat of the summer. It was the 2nd day of June. I desperately found myself wishing for the rains. But according to the weather guys, it would be a while. Oh! How I wished that they were wrong! Yet the weekend electricity mood swings made it unbearable to stand the increasing heat. As the sun was starting to set, suddenly the atmosphere had a 360° change.

The sky became grey and cloudy and the winds started blowing with all their might and before I could even say "it might rain" the showers hit the ground, leaving the most beautiful and tempting aroma in the air. Yes! The rains had finally arrived…the weather guys were wrong (yet again). As I rushed outside to take in the sweet scent of the wet earth, the rains picked up speed. The pots and small water vessels started filling up as I watched on.

I stood at the very tip of the porch, held my hand out and made a cup to hold the rains; drank the purity and felt rejuvenated. As I watched, people were rushing to find shelter and kids were overjoyed to get wet in the rains. They were splashing and jumping in the puddles and running around calling their friends. This site was equally fun and nostalgic.

Although I had learned in school that the showers come from the clouds in the sky, today I could see neither. As I glanced up all I could see were the endless streams of water, pouring down to calm the hot earth and quench her thirst.

I sat on the swing in the garden absorbing in the novelty of the season. For a change, the winds were chilled and refreshing. Everyone was surprised by the untimely rains, yet no one was complaining. Almost everyone had a smile on their faces as it rained on. Everybody was glad. Sitting on the swing, I was feeling relaxed and happy. Birds had taken shelter in the thick branches as they waited for it to stop raining although the greenery didn't seem to care for the inconvenience the rain was causing, for it was a sight for sore eyes! All I missed was a steaming cup of tea and maybe a plate of spicy and crispy onion fritters!

Eventually the pace of the showers reduced, the trees looked fresh green, the roads all clean with the occasional puddles here and there, the smell of wet mud in the air. The 1st rain assured a good run ahead.

I sat there for some time, thankful for the showers, and more thankful that I could enjoy them. The rains had washed off the heat of the summer and poured life into all, making everything seem new. I couldn't help but wonder could it do the same to me? Clean off the negativity that held me back and create room for new hopes?

As I sat there wondering, breathing in the fresh air I felt more alive. Thanking the Almighty for sweet showers I returned inside.

Life had resumed...

A Man Who Can Cook!

Over the years cooking and the kitchen has famously been called as a 'feminine turf'. The grandmas’ and mothers’ dominate this part of the household, but the 'professional' food industry is dominated by the males! Funny isn’t it? I have always wondered, how the families of these 'wanna-be-chefs' react when informed of their career choice!I say over the years, but if we look carefully at the food industry and history of food, it has always been dominated by males. I do have a few references that will prove my point. 

The first one is mythological. It’s about Mahabharata, the greatest of the wars that the mankind has ever witnessed. As many of you may know the war was amongst the Kauravas’ and the Pandavas’. The Pandavas’ were the 5 sons of king Pandu and his 2 wives: Kunti and Madri. Being the sons of king Pandu they were together called the Pandavas’. All the 5 were renowned warriors and each possessed special qualities. The mighty one was Bheema, strongest of all. He was an ardent food lover. If stories are to be believed, his eating habits were quite a talk of the town! Apart from being a hard-core foodie, he was quite a cook himself. Writer Devdutta Pattanaik mentions this in the book 'Jaya' an illustration of Mahabharata. According to Mr.Pattanaik, the creator of the famous South-Indian dish 'Aviyaal' is Bheema!

From mythology to history. The famous meat dish of India 'the Galouti Kebabs' was created for a meat-loving Nawab of Lucknow by a then famous chef. It is said that these were special kebabs that would just melt in the mouth. The kebabs were like that so that old toothless Nawab could enjoy and his meat craving would be satisfied!Now to the present. We have renowned chefs in the country who have become the favorites in many households. This list, of course, starts with Mr. Sanjeev Kapoor. He started his career on television through the famous show called ’Khana-khazana’. The show gained tons of popularity due to its new concept and of course its host. Chef Sanjeev Kapoor has laid a foundation of this glamorous food industry in India. Many have followed since then; Chef Kunal Kapur, Chef Ajay Chopra, Chef Ranveer Brar, Chef Saransh Goila, Chef Manu Chandra to name a few. Even on the global frontier, we have so many renowned male chefs. Some of them are legends like Chef Gordon Ramsey, Chef Gary Mehigan, Chef Matt Preston, Chef George Calombaris and our very own Chef Vikas Khanna. These examples prove that kitchen and cooking isn’t just a feminine responsibility. So when did this concept of “men don’t cook” originate? This concept not only originated but also has been hammered into the minds of so many generations. That is the reason that a man helping his mom, wife in the kitchen was regarded as a madman. There are so many who flaunt their record of ’never ever having picked up a glass of water’.When the society thought that earning for the household is a male job and taking care of the kitchen and other family needs is a feminine job, a man not able to cook wasn’t such a disaster. However, today when women have become self-sufficient in all possible ways, why aren’t the men taking up learning cooking?Unless it’s absolutely necessary, a man does not learn to cook. This may seem like some kind of male bashing, but rest assured it is not. In an era of equality of the sexes, shouldn’t the men consider cooking? A man who can cook is always loved and adored by women. It is not just because he can cook. It is because of what cooking represents. Cooking isn’t just cutting, chopping, tossing, frying; it’s a sentiment. How often have we heard “maa ke haath ka khana” phrase? This food that the mom prepares reflects her love, care, and concern for the family. All those sentiments act on the food that she prepares and makes it one of a kind. Now, men are generally known to be reserved on emotional grounds. When they cook, it shows affection, care and their love for the family. The delicateness that all the cooking related things require also adds up to the fondness. Above all food is a factor that binds a family. There’s nothing more satisfying than being able to appease the hunger of the entire family. 

In this generation where even after having a career, a woman is still expected to be able to cook, why should the men be excused from this? Try spending a little quality time in the kitchen and it’ll help you win over the hearts of many women and also become self-sufficient! A man who can cook is a fantasy of almost any and every woman. If you are a man who knows to cook,  you’ll be on the top of the list, because there’s nothing as endearing as a man who can cook!

The Once Upon A Time Nostalgia...

                 Once upon a time... All the magic began with these words. These words had the power to quiet down a crying child, screaming classrooms, sleepless duos of cousins and friends. Along with these words, as listeners, we were transported to a whole different world. This world had beautiful princesses looking after their family or been looked after by their foster care or even 7 dwarfs!! They had long beautiful hair, and most of all the ability to believe. The ability to believe that everything that is good takes time. For them it was freedom from step-mothers or witches or even cruel spells. The ultimate goal was to fall in love with the prince charming and marry him and live happily ever after.

         Even so along with these there were stories that taught us values. The morals in the story stayed with us all our childhood and even after growing up, they do have a certain influence on us. Whether it be the story of the tortoise and the hare, the mice planning to bell the cat, the monkey and her kid, the camel and his judgmental attitude….so many stories that its even difficult to recollect all.

            I remember there were these books with different coloured covers. They came in red, yellow, purple, blue, and green. Almost every kid my age had those books. Those moral stories were some of the best.

        What I remember about these stories are the beautiful pictures that depicted the story so well. The most favorite picture was in the story of the mice and the cat, where the mice decide to tie a bell around the cat so as to alert them when it’s coming to eat them. These mice lived in the grocery shop and the pictures of the shop were just so beautiful that I used to keep staring at those for a long time.

         Stories hold such an important influence on all of our lives. People may or may not read these books, but some stories pass on from generations to generations and remain true even then, after such a long journey.

        Just some time back, I visited an exhibition. It was a normal sale of products and food stalls etc. I remember halting at a particular stall. This stall was selling CD’s of the stories and poems for the kids. They had put on some Cd's as demo for their prospective buyers’. The Cd's played the stories with subtitles and everything. But something about those pictures was highly disturbing. The lack of subtlety and appeal to the kids was something I noted in those.

         As I walked home, I started to remember my childhood and the stories that I grew up on. It is said that the 90’s generation is the generation which has faced changes more often than any other. That is the reason this generation hardly now of 23-27 years is heard saying things like,” in my childhood I had this thing.” or “ today’s kids will never have what we had!”  Usually, these lines are supposed to be said by the grandparents or parents. But definitely not by the ‘young guns’.

       But it’s true.  Kids these days have missed out on so much that it’s really hard not to feel extremely sorry for them as technology rules every aspect of their childhood. We were, as a generation lucky and proud to have had a childhood that did not include excessive technology. In this memorable childhood, stories formed an immensely important part. To get our homework done in time, or to make us eat some kind of vegetable, to make us go to bed; stories were often told as a bribe! And it actually worked…!

        The huge difference was that there were story ‘books’. Now its kindle, or e-book, or even better Cd's. The best we had were cassettes. Those were played over and over again and the stories were unforgettable! With every story a scenario was created in our minds and we were lost in the story.

      The one change our generation definitely regrets is of the epic “cartoon network”. That was the favorite channel in every house. Sometimes when cable connections were not available, it was perfectly fine to go over to a friend’s place to watch your favorite cartoon. The 90’s saw the best creations in cartoons. Tom & Jerry, Scooby doobie do, Dexter’s laboratory, The LooneyToons show, The Bugs Bunny show, The road runner show, the powerpuff girls, Captain Planet, Flintstones, the Adam’s family, Dennis the menace etc etc etc….the list is endless.

       These weren’t just cartoons. They taught us so many things. Like because of Popeye we all wanted to eat spinach, like Dexter we wanted to invent something, Scooby and the team taught us that the real monsters are actually around us and also the importance of working in a team… they had values, innocence and comedy that appealed and called out to every single kid!  

       The best thing was grandmother's stories. Those were the stories that taught us so many things. Those stories felt like an old tradition that was passed on richly. Those stories had mythology, history, and some made-up items as well! I remember my grandmother telling me a particular made up story over and over again just because I loved it! That story however childish it sounds now, is the best memory of her that I have!  It was a holiday special and the best time I associate with my childhood!

      Other than grandparents, the parents also joined in this tradition. Moms’ usually told stories during lunch time and bed time was generally reserved with dads’. The stories consisted of princes, princesses, kings and queens, the Mahabharata and Ramayana. Some well-known comic book characters like Chacha Chaudhary, Supandi, Archie and his friends, Tintin, Garfield, Winnie the Pooh and his gang were the hot favorites! The wise stories of Akbar-Birbal, Tenali-ram were always a treat to listen to! I remember every time I listened to or read those stories; I was awed by their intelligence and wits! Then there were stories like Goldie-locks and the bears, or the little red riding hood which were used as a way to warn about the dangers of wandering away or talking to strangers.

    Other than our parents and grand-parents, stories were mostly heard in schools. I remember some very memorable stories I had in my school syllabus as a kid. One was of a hen who tries to bake a bread for her kids and asks for help from others who refuse and she does the whole work all by herself and relishes the bread not sharing it with anyone but her kids. The pictures narrating this story were so beautiful that it was one of my most favorite lessons! Then there were library periods, where the teacher usually narrated different stories. Some of the famous tales with morals came from Jataka, Aesop’s Fables. As kids we weren’t allowed in the library. But the stories of Enid Blyton were the most popular ones. Other than library period there were narrations in our textbooks about the first train journey, the first plane journey, and some folklore from different cultures around the world.

      Now when I look back and see, I feel that the phrase once upon a time… had the most impact on us as kids. Even today when I hear anyone start a story with that (which usually starts with that!) I feel the excitement mount up.

    Some of the iconic stories I remember are of the turtle and the rabbit. This was the most commonly repeated story. Then there was the story of the thirsty crow, and then the donkey and the horse, the monkey and the cap trader, the wolf under the sheep’s skin and so many more… Every story taught us a value in a fun and entertaining way.

     These stories have created an impression on our souls and have actually enriched us through our lives. The 'once upon a time', isn’t just an expression but it holds the key to an extremely memorable childhood. What today’s kids miss through their tech-savvy childhood is this, the nostalgia, the simplicity of being a kid and the wonderful experience of these stories! The colourful pictures in the books, the smell of those story books, the excitement of listening to a new story or an old one over and over again and so many other feelings that are associated with those stories and those times!

      Times have changed as they always do. It’s never considered as a sign of a wise man to hang around in the past. But at some moments like these when we pause and think about all that we have had and got to do as children, should be savoured unapologetically, because…once upon a time we too were kids!!!   

Expectations...!

" We love to expect,and when expectation is either disappointed or gratified,we want to again be expecting."-Samuel Johnson

It was just yesterday that I was sitting in an overcrowded clinic waiting for my turn, when an old man along with his wife and daughter entered the clinic. The man inquired about the appointment at the reception and looked around, realizing that there was no place to sit down. I too noticed that and got up to offer my seat to him. He took it without a word of thanks. He looked as if it was my moral duty to give him my seat as the age was on his side. I did not like it and was surprised mildly at his no acknowledgement attitude. But I was even more surprised the way I felt. After doing something so thoughtful and nice, generally I should have felt nice or happier. But on the contrary I kept thinking of this man as rude because he did not acknowledge my good deed. That is when i realized something.. I did not offer him the seat just of good manners but also with a hidden expectation that he should thank me. When that did not happen it disappointed me so much that it outweighed my good deed..!

"Expectation is the root cause of all heartaches"-William Shakespeare

That's what it is! We keep wondering why? And all the while the answer is too much expectation..! Why is it so? Why is it that every time we have to expect something? Are there no self-less good deeds? In the internationally famous T.V series F.R.I.E.N.D.S, one of the most adored characters Joey says this to his friend Phoebe explaining to her that there is no such thing as "selfless good deed". Maybe it’s true. Every time we may not get something materialistic but at least that "feeling-happy-about-myself" emotion is what we deserve..!

That's what happens to us..! Most of the times we have a self-programmed "expectation manual" built in our system. It functions on default without us "expecting...!" What is dangerous is the results it produces. And the aftermaths...!

So is there a way to stop expecting or expecting less...??? Frankly I don't know. I don't see how we can overcome this problem. But here's what we all can do... We are all familiar with the "Expectation v/s Reality" thing that is popular on the social networks. This thing has perfectly captured the difference between these two things.

The psychiatrists have said that a normal human mind engages itself into creation of perfect scenarios 99% of the time it’s awake..!! We tend to fall prey to our own creation which turns into expectations without us least expecting it. What we have to understand that our expectations are limited just to the creations in our head. The person we are dealing with has no idea what so ever of our expectations.

Sometimes our expectations come true but not in the form we expect them to be...  The package is a bit different. Maybe a wee bit better. Can't say how; but its true a majority of times. It’s what they call "Karmic circle". One of my all-time favorite writer J.K.Rowling says this in one of the "Harry Potter" books...

"Things that we lose have a way of coming back to us in the end,if not always in the way we expect"

 We have to learn to do something despite of what we expect. One of my amigo recently pointed out that i expect too much or at least something of everything and I introspected; only to find out it was true. What we expect is most of the times so different than what we get. But even after that the conscience must be the one to be happy, satisfied, or at peace. If that happens then maybe we can get over our disappointment of not getting what we expect. At the end of the day, that's what matters more than anything.

So the key to happiness is not emphasizing on fulfillment of every expectation. It's as simple as that……

Down The Memory Lane...!

             Families,friends,loved one's altogether make up an inseparable part of our lives. The time spent with these is the best of all. Our most fond memories are related to these people only. Last year, I got a chance to be with my maternal family. That is the time I'll cherish most of all. Its remarkable how just a little time with these people seems to be like a year or so,that makes you forget every worry,tension or stress.
                  My mother's cousins arranged for an get together in Khandala. Khandala is a hill station in the state of Maharashtra which is a preferred tourist destination for its scenic beauty and cool climate. Our arrival was most timely as we were greeted by rains. The Khandala railway station wasn't like other railway stations. For one that it was quite small and not crowded at all!! There was just one office of the rail administration and a few trees and benches..!! 
                        The rains had made the tracks wet and slippery but it all added to the holiday mood! The place we were going to stay was a bank rest house or rather a holiday home. The location of it was extremely beautiful. We had to walk down a little path of stones and mud covered on both sides by small green bushes and the sky was grey and dark and it was continually drizzling... We started walking down the narrow path that seemed like an exit of the forest nearby. After the way continued to give a way to the steep climb and a gravel filled path. It took us all a little effort to try to keep our balance and prevent from falling. Such paths, I feel are made to help gravity have some fun. You know, just to show us its still more powerful than we are, even when we weigh like in kilos..!
                              So after successfully navigating through this track, on the left a steep slope awaited us,continuing to haunt the imbalanced and clumsy people such as me, of loosing the balance. Never the less,none of us fell or anything. We made it on our 2 legs just fine! The resort was an extremely well kept place. A perfect place ideally suited for a family get together. 
                       As it was almost lunch time, we freshened up and joined everyone at the table for some hot lunch. As the lunch progressed so did the talks and laughter..! Slowly we headed towards the evening, witnessing the rains by sitting inside and having a cup of tea and the warmth of family.  Everyone had got busy re-visiting their childhood and frankly it was just fun to hear all re-live those moments again.. Needless to say that the photo sessions had become like the highlight and a common thing of this vacation.
                 As the evening dawned upon us ,it was time for b'day celebrations. So it was almost like a red-carpet photo shoot,with everyone showing off their own fashion ideas. The traditional cake cutting ceremonies was followed by a sumptuous feast that just lulled everyone into a mushy mood..!!  After the feast came a new addition that was games, specially designed by our hosts for the over grown adults..!! 
                    Even after the games and getting a change of clothes, everyone just settled on the stairs for a refreshed session of chatting and laughing..! Finally we went off to bed after with a smile from a day full of enjoyment. 
                       It was one of the best, quietest & fresh morning that anyone can rise to..!! The chirping of birds, smell of the mud from the rains, the chilled and pleasant atmosphere and a hot cup of tea..! What could a city bred girl like me ask for more in the morning..?? what a start to the day...! That day was the departure day as everyone's trains were scheduled to get back to routines. So after a healthy lunch and some more family time later, it was the time to bid adieu.
               While walking back to the station and waiting for the train to take me back to where I belonged, I realized that the sense of belonging i felt  here was more than anywhere in the world. When I had arrived it was a holiday for me but when I left I had to admit it wasn't just another holiday. It was much more. It was tracing back to the roots that gave me an existence. It was understanding the worth of relations and being thankful for having a family. No matter how crazy and embarrassing and out of hand they get, they are still the people that make you feel home.
                    It was more than a vacation! It was a revelation and celebration of belonging to the most craziest,funkiest, absurd,weird DNA's in the world. It was about a family coming together....!

The surroundings of the station

The wet railway tracks from the drizzles..!

The station

Around the station a view of the mountains..!

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The grey skies with the lush greens..!

The steep slope

The view of the station from the resort

The graveled path..!

A small walk to the resort

The Path Of Success

Recently we have had so many Indians heading the best of best companies in the world. we believe that this grand success is what they have achieved overnight, or maybe quite easily. But that's not very strange. Its a very common thought that dwells in our minds as 'not so successful' people that the people who do succeed have been very much easily winning every game of theirs to climb the ladder of success..!!
We as viewers always see the big picture and ignore the scarred details that have led them to the place that they are. But the irony of all this is that people whom we adore so much for their 'positions' actually know the truth behind it. They know that even after bagging the best position they will be replaced some or the other day. They know that the highest positions of success bring responsibilities one cannot imagine at all.
We measure success in an universally designed and accepted scale. It means that if you in any terms achieve something but it does not quite fit that 'scale' of success it won't matter. It'll hardly be counted as success! What we forget is the fact that success can't be measured. For every person the scale is different. Its a simple thing. Not every person in the world looks identical. There's a difference of colour,height,weight,genes,etc. Does it mean that you will not be counted as human? Its silly..isn't it? Why would this kind of diversity change anything about anyone being human?
Success has an identical idea. Just because you are not adored by millions for the work that you do doesn't make it any less important. Every little achievement leads you a little bit ahead to making your own big picture!
Over the years of my obsession to be successful, to be the best,I realized that it was unacceptable. I just want to succeed to tell people that I too can achieve something. Well every other person is trying to do that. And so many are tired of doing this that they have given up doing that. If there's one thing that will distinguish you from the crowd is the attempt to stop being one of them....
Success to everyone may mean something different. For a baby taking its first step and trying to walk is an achievement. For a person with limited means its an achievement to sleep with a roof on his head and food in his stomach. For a soldier its a huge success if he makes it through the day alive. For a cigarette addict its huge not to have smoked in 24 hours at all. For a girl who fears dark its an achievement to have walked into a dark room and switch on the lights all by herself and so on....
This list just reminds so many of us that we have been doing something,achieving something all these years without having even the slightest realization of it..!! When we start the journey of life we don't know the measurements of success or achievement. Perhaps that is the reason that babies are the happiest living things to be around..!!
It doesn't matter whether anyone notices your work or your achievement. As long as you feel happy, content and find the will to keep going from your work or achievement its surely is success. All along we look at the final destination of success, but its the journey to success that makes it worth while. When we do realize this we'll all stop worrying about being just successful and start living a life that has in store something more valuable than success..!!
Having said that does not at all mean that success or achievement is not important. It is necessary for progressing. But just don't use a scale to measure it. Success can be found in the smallest of small things...!! Not always can you apply the philosophy of 'the bigger the better..' Sometimes small things have an ability to sum up to an achievement..! After all its the drops in the ocean that make it so huge!!
Finally when you feel lost and you think of yourself as a complete failure, just look back and trace the path you have covered all over the years, you'll realize you have come a long way from where you started..! And that's nothing but success...
After all when you look back its not the final success but the path of failures and falling down that keeps the fire going..! That is real success...!!!