Expectations...!

" We love to expect,and when expectation is either disappointed or gratified,we want to again be expecting."-Samuel Johnson

It was just yesterday that I was sitting in an overcrowded clinic waiting for my turn, when an old man along with his wife and daughter entered the clinic. The man inquired about the appointment at the reception and looked around, realizing that there was no place to sit down. I too noticed that and got up to offer my seat to him. He took it without a word of thanks. He looked as if it was my moral duty to give him my seat as the age was on his side. I did not like it and was surprised mildly at his no acknowledgement attitude. But I was even more surprised the way I felt. After doing something so thoughtful and nice, generally I should have felt nice or happier. But on the contrary I kept thinking of this man as rude because he did not acknowledge my good deed. That is when i realized something.. I did not offer him the seat just of good manners but also with a hidden expectation that he should thank me. When that did not happen it disappointed me so much that it outweighed my good deed..!

"Expectation is the root cause of all heartaches"-William Shakespeare

That's what it is! We keep wondering why? And all the while the answer is too much expectation..! Why is it so? Why is it that every time we have to expect something? Are there no self-less good deeds? In the internationally famous T.V series F.R.I.E.N.D.S, one of the most adored characters Joey says this to his friend Phoebe explaining to her that there is no such thing as "selfless good deed". Maybe it’s true. Every time we may not get something materialistic but at least that "feeling-happy-about-myself" emotion is what we deserve..!

That's what happens to us..! Most of the times we have a self-programmed "expectation manual" built in our system. It functions on default without us "expecting...!" What is dangerous is the results it produces. And the aftermaths...!

So is there a way to stop expecting or expecting less...??? Frankly I don't know. I don't see how we can overcome this problem. But here's what we all can do... We are all familiar with the "Expectation v/s Reality" thing that is popular on the social networks. This thing has perfectly captured the difference between these two things.

The psychiatrists have said that a normal human mind engages itself into creation of perfect scenarios 99% of the time it’s awake..!! We tend to fall prey to our own creation which turns into expectations without us least expecting it. What we have to understand that our expectations are limited just to the creations in our head. The person we are dealing with has no idea what so ever of our expectations.

Sometimes our expectations come true but not in the form we expect them to be...  The package is a bit different. Maybe a wee bit better. Can't say how; but its true a majority of times. It’s what they call "Karmic circle". One of my all-time favorite writer J.K.Rowling says this in one of the "Harry Potter" books...

"Things that we lose have a way of coming back to us in the end,if not always in the way we expect"

 We have to learn to do something despite of what we expect. One of my amigo recently pointed out that i expect too much or at least something of everything and I introspected; only to find out it was true. What we expect is most of the times so different than what we get. But even after that the conscience must be the one to be happy, satisfied, or at peace. If that happens then maybe we can get over our disappointment of not getting what we expect. At the end of the day, that's what matters more than anything.

So the key to happiness is not emphasizing on fulfillment of every expectation. It's as simple as that……

Down The Memory Lane...!

             Families,friends,loved one's altogether make up an inseparable part of our lives. The time spent with these is the best of all. Our most fond memories are related to these people only. Last year, I got a chance to be with my maternal family. That is the time I'll cherish most of all. Its remarkable how just a little time with these people seems to be like a year or so,that makes you forget every worry,tension or stress.
                  My mother's cousins arranged for an get together in Khandala. Khandala is a hill station in the state of Maharashtra which is a preferred tourist destination for its scenic beauty and cool climate. Our arrival was most timely as we were greeted by rains. The Khandala railway station wasn't like other railway stations. For one that it was quite small and not crowded at all!! There was just one office of the rail administration and a few trees and benches..!! 
                        The rains had made the tracks wet and slippery but it all added to the holiday mood! The place we were going to stay was a bank rest house or rather a holiday home. The location of it was extremely beautiful. We had to walk down a little path of stones and mud covered on both sides by small green bushes and the sky was grey and dark and it was continually drizzling... We started walking down the narrow path that seemed like an exit of the forest nearby. After the way continued to give a way to the steep climb and a gravel filled path. It took us all a little effort to try to keep our balance and prevent from falling. Such paths, I feel are made to help gravity have some fun. You know, just to show us its still more powerful than we are, even when we weigh like in kilos..!
                              So after successfully navigating through this track, on the left a steep slope awaited us,continuing to haunt the imbalanced and clumsy people such as me, of loosing the balance. Never the less,none of us fell or anything. We made it on our 2 legs just fine! The resort was an extremely well kept place. A perfect place ideally suited for a family get together. 
                       As it was almost lunch time, we freshened up and joined everyone at the table for some hot lunch. As the lunch progressed so did the talks and laughter..! Slowly we headed towards the evening, witnessing the rains by sitting inside and having a cup of tea and the warmth of family.  Everyone had got busy re-visiting their childhood and frankly it was just fun to hear all re-live those moments again.. Needless to say that the photo sessions had become like the highlight and a common thing of this vacation.
                 As the evening dawned upon us ,it was time for b'day celebrations. So it was almost like a red-carpet photo shoot,with everyone showing off their own fashion ideas. The traditional cake cutting ceremonies was followed by a sumptuous feast that just lulled everyone into a mushy mood..!!  After the feast came a new addition that was games, specially designed by our hosts for the over grown adults..!! 
                    Even after the games and getting a change of clothes, everyone just settled on the stairs for a refreshed session of chatting and laughing..! Finally we went off to bed after with a smile from a day full of enjoyment. 
                       It was one of the best, quietest & fresh morning that anyone can rise to..!! The chirping of birds, smell of the mud from the rains, the chilled and pleasant atmosphere and a hot cup of tea..! What could a city bred girl like me ask for more in the morning..?? what a start to the day...! That day was the departure day as everyone's trains were scheduled to get back to routines. So after a healthy lunch and some more family time later, it was the time to bid adieu.
               While walking back to the station and waiting for the train to take me back to where I belonged, I realized that the sense of belonging i felt  here was more than anywhere in the world. When I had arrived it was a holiday for me but when I left I had to admit it wasn't just another holiday. It was much more. It was tracing back to the roots that gave me an existence. It was understanding the worth of relations and being thankful for having a family. No matter how crazy and embarrassing and out of hand they get, they are still the people that make you feel home.
                    It was more than a vacation! It was a revelation and celebration of belonging to the most craziest,funkiest, absurd,weird DNA's in the world. It was about a family coming together....!

The surroundings of the station

The wet railway tracks from the drizzles..!

The station

Around the station a view of the mountains..!

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The grey skies with the lush greens..!

The steep slope

The view of the station from the resort

The graveled path..!

A small walk to the resort

The Path Of Success

Recently we have had so many Indians heading the best of best companies in the world. we believe that this grand success is what they have achieved overnight, or maybe quite easily. But that's not very strange. Its a very common thought that dwells in our minds as 'not so successful' people that the people who do succeed have been very much easily winning every game of theirs to climb the ladder of success..!!
We as viewers always see the big picture and ignore the scarred details that have led them to the place that they are. But the irony of all this is that people whom we adore so much for their 'positions' actually know the truth behind it. They know that even after bagging the best position they will be replaced some or the other day. They know that the highest positions of success bring responsibilities one cannot imagine at all.
We measure success in an universally designed and accepted scale. It means that if you in any terms achieve something but it does not quite fit that 'scale' of success it won't matter. It'll hardly be counted as success! What we forget is the fact that success can't be measured. For every person the scale is different. Its a simple thing. Not every person in the world looks identical. There's a difference of colour,height,weight,genes,etc. Does it mean that you will not be counted as human? Its silly..isn't it? Why would this kind of diversity change anything about anyone being human?
Success has an identical idea. Just because you are not adored by millions for the work that you do doesn't make it any less important. Every little achievement leads you a little bit ahead to making your own big picture!
Over the years of my obsession to be successful, to be the best,I realized that it was unacceptable. I just want to succeed to tell people that I too can achieve something. Well every other person is trying to do that. And so many are tired of doing this that they have given up doing that. If there's one thing that will distinguish you from the crowd is the attempt to stop being one of them....
Success to everyone may mean something different. For a baby taking its first step and trying to walk is an achievement. For a person with limited means its an achievement to sleep with a roof on his head and food in his stomach. For a soldier its a huge success if he makes it through the day alive. For a cigarette addict its huge not to have smoked in 24 hours at all. For a girl who fears dark its an achievement to have walked into a dark room and switch on the lights all by herself and so on....
This list just reminds so many of us that we have been doing something,achieving something all these years without having even the slightest realization of it..!! When we start the journey of life we don't know the measurements of success or achievement. Perhaps that is the reason that babies are the happiest living things to be around..!!
It doesn't matter whether anyone notices your work or your achievement. As long as you feel happy, content and find the will to keep going from your work or achievement its surely is success. All along we look at the final destination of success, but its the journey to success that makes it worth while. When we do realize this we'll all stop worrying about being just successful and start living a life that has in store something more valuable than success..!!
Having said that does not at all mean that success or achievement is not important. It is necessary for progressing. But just don't use a scale to measure it. Success can be found in the smallest of small things...!! Not always can you apply the philosophy of 'the bigger the better..' Sometimes small things have an ability to sum up to an achievement..! After all its the drops in the ocean that make it so huge!!
Finally when you feel lost and you think of yourself as a complete failure, just look back and trace the path you have covered all over the years, you'll realize you have come a long way from where you started..! And that's nothing but success...
After all when you look back its not the final success but the path of failures and falling down that keeps the fire going..! That is real success...!!!

The Common Uncommon

There's often a catch phrase that I hear in anything concerning people, which goes "its really different. Its so not something you find very often....!!" It goes on and on with adding of adjectives to just glorify one simple fact " that something is different !"  Now this "different" can be concerned with either people or things in general. But frankly the obsession of being different is on the high in most of the population.

so what exactly is this "different?"  Is it really different or is it just a matter of seeing something differently...??? Its like a common logic of a glass half filled with water. Some see a half empty glass while others see it full. When we look at people who are really successful in something that really has made a difference not just to them but also to the people around, there's one common observation. These people don't think they have done something "different". For them its just an obvious fact that they have stated. They just justify the saying "winners don't do different things, they just do things differently...!!"

When it comes to something being unusual or not common, is it just really that unusual? If you give it a thought you may get a 'no' as an answer. Its because sometimes we see a person or thing not the way it is meant to be but the way we think it should be. So basically difference is not in the thing but it is in the thought. If we go a bit further on this route we find that too is not so unusual. We just did not take time to notice that there could be other way around.

I mean before Newton discovered gravity, things and people were still standing upright on the earth's surface. The fruits were still falling on the earth. Yet his discovery was new. Not just because he discovered or put forth some excellent work of scientific thought but he also took an effort to think in a way no one thought of!

We have so many ideas, dreams, thoughts that we think are so different from what anyone can think. But frankly, there will be people who share that different-ness with you without either of you noticing it. I'm not saying that everything is same. If that were the case the world would be pretty monotonous a place to live in. I just want to say that the difference we notice is in fact something we have not noticed earlier. Its been out there, just went by unnoticed.

The more we want to be different and protect our specialty, the more we go forward and join the crowd of common-ness...!! As the saying goes "Beauty lies in the eye of the beholder.."  Its just a matter of a simple thought or a moment's gesture, that makes you stand out from the crowd of common- ness. You don't have to do anything special to be different. Sometimes yes, you do take efforts and prove it that you are not the same.  But otherwise you are just a person who needs to feel that difference from within..and you'll know it for yourself.

Making a difference, leaving a mark of your own is a very common desire. What is different is realizing that everything may not be noticed by the world, or make you famous, or earn you a million dollars and yet you choose to do it or be with that one person just because it makes you happy and "different...!!!"

And that is what really is different..!!      

Living The Rules Or Leaving The Rules...??!!!

"I'm a law abiding citizen; "I follow all the rules my parents have told me to follow.." etc etc... We hear these dialogues quite often. The funniest part is that there nothing special about them. They are very common. So we hardly pay any attention to this. Actually we are quite presuming that like us, everyone follows the rules that are applicable to them.
I'm not a very old person. Just 21. But I'm starting to wonder all of a sudden that why is it that i follow the rules? I mean about everything,everyone I have been prescribed to rules. And needless to say I follow them. I'm not a rebel but do have a certain sense of logical thinking being a girl of this generation. I often care about the rules. Well that's an understatement. I am obsessed to follow rules. And I'm sure a typical middle class Indian girl would relate to the fact that our parents taught us some rules and we follow them...unquestioningly. Rare occasions ,we decide to question them, we hear a huge lecture about the bad influence of this generation, disobeying their parents etc etc... which leads us to the basic conclusion to make peace with our parents by saying "sorry" and making a silent note of never to question them again.
But for a while I'm wondering what did I get out of following the rules laid down for me? For example: My doc has forbidden me to have ice creams in any other season than summer. I follow it. I have the fear that I may fall sick if I don't follow this medical rule..!! Every year I have ice creams only in summer and the rest year I brag about the self control I exercise! But a funny thing happened. Its summer right now , I did have ice cream and guess what..? I fell sick..!! The doc said its because of ice creams..had it been winter the reply would be the same.I just wanted to go ahead and point out " Hey doc did you notice..its summer!". Anyway in a nutshell, my self control, my rules failed;so much that I'm planning a trip to a near by ice-cream parlor in winters..! 
Really! Jokes apart, does it ever strike you, "hey why the hell am I following it?" Rules, Regulations, Laws are important for a disciplined life. Code of Conduct, Ethics are the modern day children of "Rules". When I look at rules I realize we obey them not for what they are meant for, but out of the fear that we might loose or something will happen if we failed to follow them.
Its the same thing that is about respect. We don't speak to our elders on 1st name basis. We speak to them in a very disciplined way, with proper names etc. That's respect! Regardless of what we really feel for that elder in our heart,words are respectful..how good is that?
Rules are framed to achieve discipline. All the rules. Be it for you as a citizen of a country or be it for you as a member of family, we all have rules. Common rules keep members at par while dealing with each other. We all are surrounded by en-number of rules. Those are our boundaries. We can't step beyond them. If we do we are not civil..! Convenient isn't it?
We are a generation of thoughts. We have our mind and are not fearful to express it out loud. We have to get up and question a few rules at least to slacken the boundaries of life.! As individuals our generation has followed rules and become a some person for the country lost in a crowd of billions. People who challenged them made their way. They knew this was not acceptable for them and challenged it and stood for it.
What I want to say is that some rules are necessary. To have a certain kind of outcome some rules are needed. They are vital. It won't be wise to question them.But sometimes, there's a world beyond rules! Rules made us all equal. They are needed but not all of them..!
Going ahead and doing what you want is advisable. I mean how many of us really want to try out that one thing we are banned from trying out? I'm sure a lot of us. So go ahead and try it...! When you for yourself realize ,why is it that it was banned, it will be a real rule for you.
Make your own rules. Be a rebel to free yourself from the rules. Learn to breathe. Let people talk,parents shout, teachers punish! But one day not long from now, when you look back to that time you will realize, its my life and I have my rules. People will respect you for what you did! It doesn't always matter if you end up a loser or winner..! What matters is the experience beyond the rule. The joy of breaking a rule will be accomplished when you know and can answer why is it so..?!
So go ahead. Breathe. We are free. Life's too short to waste it in following rules. Make your own rules. Live! What seems a bad thing today may turn out to be legend tomorrow! Its your life...The rules too should be yours..!! what do you say...??!!! 

Being a Woman..!!

We stand at the end of February and the start of March. An important month not only because of the festivities that are lined up in this month,it is the month which celebrates women-hood.  8th March is celebrated as Womens' day all over the world. Being a part of this whole gaga for quite sometime now,i wonder what is so special about it..??
Maybe its a day or rather the only when people congratulate you for being a woman,specially in India. We have had a long tradition of women in historic times till the pre-independence and post independence period and quite recent times who have created a stir and have made their presence felt. Yet the history is also a witness to the bizarre traditions,blind faiths,and rules regarding the guarding of feminity right from Seeta to the latest Nirbhaya .Women have been let down as a weaker sex altogether. Why? I don't know ,and I'm very sure no one can offer a logical based solution to this question that poses in the minds of many "why are women considered a weaker sex??" its like why black is not superior to white? why are some sections in society neglected? and so on... none of these questions hold any logical base nor has history offered to explain why this started in the first place...??!! Isn't it funny how blindly we follow certain things without even thinking them through for its roots,causes and effects!!
Womens' day in India has been quite a celebration for a past few years. May be because of the ever increasing importance of the females in the society,it has become necessary to acknowledge that a women can be more than just a house-wife. Of course house-wives are not at all negligible, but let's face it; they can be achievers in other fields as well..!
In India today we see a dominating female presence in the banking field,a field considered backbone of the financial system of India. Even after that there are women who have to strive to get their basic rights to life and freedom. It is still a prevalent mindset that a daughter is a liability not an asset. There have been over so many cases of female foeticide and there will be..
What troubles me is the thing that why can't we accept females as just the other gender..?? When we have 2 hands to navigate our tasks, when we have 2 legs to help us walk; how can there be only sons and no daughters? When we need and what is necessary is to have a right and left together to be a healthy person..why can't it be so natural as that?  Why do we find a need just to celebrate that 1 day of womanhood and the rest of the time be as vulgar and cynical about women as one can be?
Amidst all the political statements about the Indian women putting their foot down to the wrong and doing it their way, I just want a simple thing...don't celebrate a special day for 24 hours and get back to doing what you were. We don't ask for a special day..all we ask for is respect,freedom, right to live the way we want to, guard our beauty or throw it away the way we want to...!!
If that'll happen I certainly doubt if we really need a special day to celebrate our feminity...!!!

Money,Money Everywhere.....

The heading suggests a lot about what is to follow. Yet , there needs a lot of elaboration to this topic that's here. Money...lovely word isn't it? One can almost smell those fresh,crunch notes coming from an ATM. Aah!! A smell that can cure you of almost all your worries. its an addictive word & thing as well. Why money? because there's only money. Nothing else seems to matter. So powerful yet so dead. Money keeps an economy, house & also people alive &in a working condition. Yet its just money. It can be claimed by anyone,almost the undeserving ones as well. It'll never react to anyone. It'll never question your ethics, conscience or make you guilty by asking unwanted questions. It'll be there just waiting forever. You can keep it where-ever you want,which-ever form you want, with whom-so-ever you want. It feels comfortable in a fixed deposit, current deposit or savings or gold; at the bottom of cereal boxes, some secret places,lockers, old clothes, purses etc. hundreds of imaginable and unimaginable places that are,we can store money. Its not of anyone's curiosity except of thieves & the income-tax department, what you do with your money & where you keep it.
What can be said about something, that's so common, yet so wanted and loved? Yes loved!! Its not romantic, but an exclusive category of love which can't be exactly named. Money-lovers are everywhere. Who have money want some more & those who don't ,need a handful. A simple question asked around a survey about money really made the people pause ,take time & react on the question. The question was as simple as," what is money?" Very few could put it in a properly framed sentence without any hiccoughs to the ideas of their definition of money. Most of the failed. Isn't it funny? How this one thing which drives almost the most significant and insignificant detail in everyone's life has no definition in our own terms??!! We are so used, accustomed to its existence, that we hardly wait or pause and think what is money? Well you may not make up some brilliant definition which will go down in the history and become universal, but yes you may definitely come up with something interesting for yourself if you scratch your noggin's!!
For me money is a life saver in difficult situation,outcome of my family's hard-work, medium of exchange, a source of appreciation on happy occasions and a friend in need yet a villain when it shakes up all your surroundings by dominating you ,suffocating you with its presence when unwanted...
Yes, money unwanted...!! Why on the earth would money be unwanted? Money being unwanted is like you stop breathing...well almost!! But given and accepted what money does,have we ever glanced up and seen that the real things in life were sufficient and much happier without money..!!
When a baby is born it hardly knows who are its parents? What family is it born into? what's the bank account balance?What luxury cars do they have? Nothing...it just reciprocates the touch of love, care & warmth it gets with equal amount of it to all. A stray dog wandering about ,give him a piece of bread,he will remember it always..! The biggest happiness on the earth cannot be bought by money. These are beyond the commercial equations of money. The first touch of your child when born, the secured feeling you get around your loved ones, the joy in the eyes of your parents on your achievement, the getting wet in the first showers, helping an old person out, playing around with kids, dancing off to the tunes of your favorite songs without worrying that some one is watching you, a night walk with your partner, a sleep in your mom's lap, resting head on your dad's shoulder and forgetting all the worries, giggling around with your friends and many more....Money cannot buy a family its whole new ,well-behaved generation, nor its happiness & achievements, nor does money give you shoulder to rest your head on. Its just what man created for his convenience. We created something so not special yet so hard to get, yet so mortal. But God's creations are all free of cost, yet eternal & immortal.
We have forgotten that we have created money & not the other way around. We have allowed money to penetrate so deep into our hearts, emotions, relations that it has taken to control us & now rules unquestioned. Money can create, can destroy, can make people run in their sleep, can change people. Money can do anything for us. It is this power of money that we lust for. No-one is an exception. At some point or other in our lives we have always wanted to be the richest in the world. It is this addiction to money that we don't realize that our happiness and its quality of it are shrinking at a faster rate. We don't realize that the money which can create; can destroy as well. As a matter of fact it has destroyed. When we get a easy way to earn money we opt for it ,hardly realizing what we are signing up for..!! Money has now been a rift-creator in families, generations have been estranged to each other just because of money.
We take a look at the judicial prospective of money we'll find that some where or the other money is the culprit. It has created monsters around us. Money has made friends deceive each-others trust, put love on stake,kill parents, kidnap kids ,molest women & of all end up in nothing but jail.
It is time we realize that money is like ego. Its a double ended knife. Its the sense that we as human beings need to inculcate into the money run system of ours that there may be a day when money may be over, but life will continue. Yes money can buy you a house, but its the people who make it home. It can get you expensive clothes but not respect. It can get the best possible food but not health.
Money is necessary, but not so much that everything runs on it. Its just that we make a point of understanding that should you die rich of money or rich of life??!! The choice is yours to make & live with it..!! Choose cautiously, because whatever you choose money or life, you will die..you'll perish off with time passing by &will be forgotten. Life has a better & stronger chance to be remembered than money. 
Yet we live with it &continue our monetary lives as they were, pondering on this thought for a while not knowing what to do..!! The obvious need be answered, it should just be done &you'll know.... 
Have a life....!! Which one..??!! Choice is yours...!!!