Why do Good Guys finish last?!

 I recently stumbled upon an old favorite show, "Mahi Way," on YouTube. The 2010 Sony TV series followed Mahi, a Delhi-based girl struggling with her weight and self-image. Despite her quirky and relatable personality, Mahi faced numerous challenges due to her physical appearance.

As the story progresses, we see that Mahi has a crush on the "most eligible bachelor" in Delhi who works in the same building as hers. With her efforts, she captures his attention, but Mr. Eligible Bachelor turns out to be a flirt. This leaves Mahi heartbroken.

Around the same time, Mahi’s childhood friend and neighbour, Shiv returns to her life. The moment we see Shiv, we know that he is a good guy. He too has always loved Mahi. However, Mahi’s choices eventually put her at a crossroads leading her to choose between Shiv and Mr. Eligible Bachelor. Like always, Mahi chooses Mr. Eligible Bachelor. Although the show ends on a very different note, I was upset to see that Shiv was not Mahi’s first choice.

It reminds me of Aditya from Jab we met who had a similar fate when it came to the girl he loved - Geet. Aditya helps Geet reunite with the love of her life not once but twice despite being in love with her. Though the film ends with Geet choosing Aditya, it still hurts to see that he wasn’t her first choice the second time around.

Why do we do it? Why do good guys finish last? (Ignore the unintended obvious pun here). I’ve pondered this for a while and have some theories about it. The apparent green flags lack the passion that makes the toes curl.  Sometimes they don’t fit our checklists based on the 'good guy' ideal. Ironical, isn’t it?  Of course, I realize that I’ve based this on fictional men here. But in my experience, fiction often inspires reality. Don’t you think that?

I think that this happens because the not so apparent – red or yellow flags are good at the theatrics. You know like flowers, chocolates, dates – the entire package. They do it all.  But once they are through, we stumble upon the reality. The person who started as a hero is no longer even a supporting character. They become the villain. Remember Mia from Princess Diaries -1? Fell for the most popular guy and ended up being humiliated. All the while ignoring Michael, the sweetest possible guy anyone might know.

On the other hand, the apparent green flags are not-so-good at the theatrics. You see they don’t know how to be cheesy. They rarely exhibit the filmy hero traits. So they go unnoticed or mostly get “friend-zoned” or become the “backup” plan. Like Chandler Bing from F.R.I.E.N.D.S!

When I say this, I’m considering the very basics of love and dating. Not the issues or psychological tendencies that have a bearing on these choices.

Having said that, I realize that this isn't about pointing fingers. We often prioritize excitement over substance in our relationships. It's always the shiny display that captures our attention. We need to know that a choice like this is like a jackpot. You never know if and when you’ll hit one.  But we keep hoping to end up with our Aditya, Shiv, Michael, or Chandler.

So there you have it – the unrealistic age pressure, FOMO, and race to be with someone, maybe why we tend to overlook the “good guys”. Keep reminding yourself that all good things take time. Maybe this Valentine’s Day, let’s start a support group. How about 'Good Guys Anonymous'? Has a nice ring to it, don't you think?

To all the good guys out there, if you are reading this, just so you know, we are always looking for our Chandlers. So even though you may be awkward, hopeless, and desperate for love, we may not know it. Take your chance. After all Monica and Chandler belong together!

Happy Valentine’s Day!💓

A Love Letter to Sleep

 Hey,

I’m not sure how to address you. I mean, “Sleep” is an activity. So basically, it's your job. Do you have a personal name? like “maker of droopy eyes?” or “snooze button?” or something like that? 

No? Sleep it is then! Love your job, don’t you? So do I. Big fan!💓

Well, it doesn’t fit right with a lot of people, particularly those who do not enjoy your company. They often look at me or rather the fans of your work and wonder, what’s the big deal about? How do we tell them?

I believe that at the start of the universe when the Gods were having their daily meetings and prepping “Project Earth” someone asked, “What happens when these living things, especially the “Sapiens” have developed and worked on a lot of Excel sheets & ppts?  Shouldn’t they be able to stop? I fear that if we do not install a stop code, they might end up completing all the work of these evolutionary phases in a short period. If that happens, we will not be able to meet our targets .” So, it was decided to install a natural stop code in all. And along you came, in all your glory. 

The Gods then said, “Let there be sleep, and let there be sleepy heads!” So here we are!

Without a doubt, our biggest enemy is the morning alarm while the most cherished thing is sleeping without an alarm!⏰

There are, of course, a set of people who detest you,  called the early risers. They come at the top of our most hated people's list. While we proclaim our deepest love to you by embracing your sweet hugs, these losers shed you off at the ring of that damn alarm clock!

How do I convince them about the pleasures of your company? Our primary service manager: The Bed doing his job perfectly all these years. I do hope he gets the appraisals that he deserves. Then comes his team: the Cushions joined by two other teams: Team Mattress & Team Blanket. A Dream team indeed! (What a pun!!) 
Once all is set, I wait for you to join the meeting. Once you do, I wish that you'd stay forever. Who can appreciate the pleasure of laying in bed, just sleeping & sleeping and practically living the best life, than a fan of your work?!!!

Of course, you are kind enough to extend your visits on weekends. Love you for that! 

I also take this opportunity to apologize for my dislike towards you as a kid. I wasn’t a fan back then especially because you visited me all the time, stayed on long, and were extra affectionate. You must understand that for a 10-year-old, sleep is not a priority. We had other fan clubs that we were a part of. Like, “Playing” & “mischief”; etc.  Unlike you, their memberships were for a limited time. So I had to enjoy those while they lasted! Your interference was, therefore, not welcome!

But now I know better. Hence, the apology! Who was to say with age I was going to become a die-hard fan of your work?!!  Owing to my fan-ship, I wish to formally make a request to you. Here goes: When I’ve to answer the desperate wailing of the alarm clock, please let me! This world, unfortunately, was not designed for the people that love you. I suspect it’s the work of those damn early risers. They had a meeting to which we did not reach and so they made the rules and we had to obey them! And so I must ask you not to persuade me to stay in bed and quit my job. If that happens, I might stray from your love and company. So let’s make a pact. The non-working days are all yours to devour me. Additionally, requesting your team members to avoid coming up with cozy offers around my working days!

Having made my request, I see that the best friend of those early risers, the Sun⛅, is trying to sneak in through the crack of my windows. He must get the absolute devilish pleasure of killing the joys of your company. Even so, I must oblige. But I’ll visit you again & again & again….

Until then its folded blankets, set pillows, and straightened bedsheets!

 

Always yours,

Sleepyhead😴

Turning 30

The F.R.I.E.N.D.S episode about turning thirty is playing on my mind and I’m something of all 6 (plus Tag) when taking on the new decade. I remember watching this episode as a teenager and thinking I had a lot of time and quite frankly not relating to the ache of leaving the 20s. But as an entire generation is stepping into a new decade of their life, the episode and everyone’s reactions stand more meaning than what they did when I first watched it. We will be stepping into a scary decade of starting to be referred to as “Uncle” & “Aunty” or even “Mom” & “Dad”. And so as I write this I truly wonder, is age really just a number? 

I remember wanting desperately to turn 18. It symbolized so much. I would become a major in this country. I could vote, get a driver’s license and start to earn money. 18 was therefore a lot more welcome than 30. At least that’s what I thought.

When I started to see the posts on Instagram about ’93 born celebrating their 30th birthday, I waited to think how really was it going to be any different? Quite frankly, I’m not so sure myself. The ’30s have been routinely taken as the age of “settling”. Finding your careers, cities, & partners & building a stable life. But is that the same in 2023? Or can it be different?

As a millennial, it would be safe to say that my generation never really caught a break! We were constantly on the roll. So much change, so much to cope up with, and the inevitable struggles that it brought along for a generation, and here we are. At the cusp of a new decade. “Change” – seems like the buzzword for us. 

Too much? Alright, stepping into a lighter note.

The past decades have been our happy place, which in a nutshell would be “blast from the past!!” Many of our memories come from a place sans technology. It comes from the feelings that we registered, the happiness that we felt, and the sense of security and normalcy that it symbolized for us. So neither a phone nor a TV or any electrical instrument forms a part of our core memories. Mostly it sets in the smells of freshly churned home-made butter turned into “Ghee”; the smell of the fancy erasers; new textbooks, grandma’s saree, her stories, the pickle jars, the black kitchen platform where I sat watching my mom cook, the tunes that the radio played, the trips that the school took us to & so many more….

I say sans technology but computers were a part of it. So was a Walkman and TV. But that’s it. The Computer and Walkman were extremely rare commodities. You could get access to them if and only if you had elder siblings! But TV was not as rare as the other two. Although having a cable connection was rare.  TV had some iconic ads and shows at the time. I often find myself searching a few of my favorite shows and ads on YouTube. It’s like a time machine that transports me back in time.

The music at the time had moved from the melodies of the black and white era to hip hop, jazz, remix, and fresh yet amazing experiments by so many music directors and singers. Films were to be watched in single-screen theatres with popcorn & ice creams which were really not equivalent to our parents’ entire month's take-home pay. Birthday parties were friends coming home, cutting the cake, and getting presents. Most of the moments were captured in the roll camera not a digital one. All things were simpler. FOMO was not a thing. 

But ours has been a generation of constant upgrades. The journey of upgrades has continued still. A set of people may not have realized how much changed while we were actually a part of it.  That is why I think, we are a generation that has clung on to the pieces of these memories tightly. So what the 30s represented 5 years ago does not stand true for this set of DNA that is the millennials. 

So the point is we aged, but never really did. The number increased but the significance of it never fully seeped in. The more I think about it the more I understand the significance of age. It’s a process you can’t really stop. But how you take it is really your choice. So if you ask me what would this new decade mean to me? I would say, Acceptance! A choice we constantly deny ourselves. At least I do. Acceptance of what really is my normal! It doesn’t matter what makes sense to the world, if I find sense in it for me, then it’s good for me.

They say there’s an age for everything. But is there really? We have grown past so many notions of our ancestors and wise forefathers that this one would hardly stand a chance of survival now.  So what is age really? The time we spent on earth or the time that is allocated to us to see and explore things?

Evolution has shown that the needs of our oldest forefathers was survival. As the species started surviving the next ones aimed at stabilizing and living. Then came quality and now comes liberty. Liberty from the worries of survival. Our roots are strong and grounded. So now comes the time to spread out and see how tall & wide we can rise & spread.

Stepping into a responsible decade can be tough for a generation that has barely started to understand the basics of being an adult. But as the new tag goes, the 30s are the new 20s with money to spend! 

So here’s to a generation turning 30! After all, we are just getting started🥂

The Candid Confessions on Moving Out

For an age of Instagram, I probably, am the most unfit adult, trying to actually document my candid confessions in writing. But that's what I do best! So here goes...

I recently moved cities for my job(for the writer in me, it was a  tough choice to let go of the use of metaphors here). Coming back to the point, I moved out of the city that was my home for the last 27 years. It never hit me, until a certain point, that I was "moving out". Being away from my parents, friends, and support systems was never easy.

Moving to a new city, I had to figure out the basics of living. Right from a place to live, groceries, and bills to transport. Every single thing.  For a really long time, I used to think of myself as a low-maintenance person. I ought to reconsider my assessment!

For me, the hardest part of moving cities was- the Roads. Figuring out where I have to go to get what I need & to return home from there; was a task. So to get through, I had this policy of playing safe. Every time I climbed into an auto & told him where to go, I left it to the best of his knowledge to take me there, safely. At any point when I was asked which route I preferred or if that place next to this, my answer would simply be, "yes". 

There was a lot of work involved in this entire process. But I as went ahead, took control, and figured out things, I enjoyed the sense of this new-found freedom. Of course, I did try to "record" the experience (so millennial!!) for Instagram with the typical background scores to romanticize it. Turns out that adulting ways of life are hard to romanticize! Either that or I suck at Instagram!

The more I age in this city, the more hard-hitting truths I encounter about myself. Making friends is never easy, especially in a city that is infamous for its "obnoxious" people. You learn to enjoy solitude and your own company.  Here's a pro tip for you- the peace from social interaction makes you calmer. Do try it!

Here's what I know now. Change is never easy, however welcome it is.  But thanks to the people who love you, no matter how difficult you are, you make it through. It is at this time you find life-defining moments and epiphanies and meet the person you really are.

For the hard-shelled person that I am, it has taken me about a year now to get used to this new life. A life where I call the shots, I decide and  I do. It probably will be sometime more before I start feeling like the person I was. They say it takes 21 days to form a habit. I suppose for some life-altering changes, this timeline can be tweaked a bit. Although strangely, it's not the "getting used to" that I am looking for. Rather the tone of "I'll be fine" is what I'm aiming for.

As the newness of this phenomenon wears off, I'm starting to grow fond of it and the light that it brings me. So to all the people who are struggling with this, we are all in the same boat, more or less. So keep swimming!!

A Letter to Self

 Hey you!

This is probably the hardest letter I've chosen to write. So have we met? Ideally, we meet every day...connect? Well...it is a process! It is now past midnight, our favorite time.  The surroundings are quiet, the sky is clear & here I am, sitting by the window attempting to write a letter; to that one person, I meet every day!

So, what made me write this letter to you? I stumbled on to this line or thought perhaps while browsing on social media. It went, "and somewhere there is a past looking at you over-flowing with pride."  Hence the letter. For all that has been and for all that will be!

For years, you've been the source of your happiness, sadness, smile, and disappointment. You've learned to let go, learned to accept-sometimes the hard way or sometimes by being hard on yourself. You've grown. You feel it in your soul. 

You have met people of all sorts over the years. Some for life, some for time, some carried you, some put you down while some pulled you up.  After falling, stumbling a lot of times, you realized that it's a choice. A choice they make that ultimately turns into an experience. Like the choice to trust, or not to trust, to help, to love, to care, to stay, to just be...you made yours and they theirs. 

As time passes, you've taken to appreciate, be patient, observe, and be true to all that you believe in. The universe is an amazing power that can bring to life your most simple yet bizarre wishes and dreams. All you have to do is heart them sincerely. This is what you learned. 

So to the future you, what would I tell? Just live, breathe and be. That's all it takes. It is okay to change. Change does not necessarily make you lose your beliefs or integrity. It only makes them better. What you believe in never really leaves you. So believe in yourself! In years to come, just flow. Be spontaneous.

New does not mean bad. New is an upgrade. Take rest. Sleep. Eat and stay healthy. Pray. Remember to thank the supreme power that has been looking after you and carrying you in times of need. Meet new people. Make new friends. If anything, unlikely friendships are kind of your thing! Take risks. Break the zone & re-invent yourself. Most importantly, stay a student. Be a learner. Never the learnt. 

Fall in love...not necessarily with someone, with maybe yourself or something that you are passionate about?!!

Do all that and be yourself. Don't be too hard on yourself as you always are. Go easy, stay chilled. Life is what happens when you're busy planning it! Remember that and check-in again. I'll be here...

Lots of Love,

From Me to You

The Nostalgia Shop

I was walking down the cobbled streets and lanes. These streets were the same as I had always seen in pictures in travel books, or even in films. Small coffee tables sheltered with pretty umbrellas, a little sunny and a little shady weather. I was walking, looking, and absorbing the novelty around. It's not every day you get to do what you dream of doing. As I walked on and on, I passed by stores & stores selling things of all sorts; from antiques to art, from fashion to food.  At such times window shopping is the best one can do especially since it costs nothing and gives pleasure! I continued walking down the streets, skipping and hopping (not quite like in the films) but close!

‘The Nostalgia Shop’ said the plaque atop the store. I stopped. The name intrigued me. The shop had a very old and mysterious look. I tried to look into the shop and peer in to get an idea but alas! I could not trail apart. The name had aroused my interest and just like that, I walked in. The clinking sound of the bell on the door announced my arrival. I looked around, expecting somebody to attend to me especially since I was bursting with questions regarding the peculiarity of the shop name. However, no-one came. I waited. As I waited, I looked around. From where I stood I was unable to get an entire glimpse of the shop but could see a lot of objects that gave me an idea as to what the shop was all about!

The shop had a rustic appeal. It looked like all the old things look. The shop was furnished though not modernly but it accommodated and displayed all the items that it offered or at least I thought it did! There were open racks and lined shelves filled with colorful and attractive things. As I approached the first rack, I went through its contents. The rack had just 2 shelves.    

These shelves had some showpieces displayed on them. On moving closer to the shelf, I saw what it was. It was a ceramic tea –set. It was white in color and had little blue flowers on it. Oh! It brought back so many memories. I was transported to my childhood, playing with a similar tea set and serving fake tea to my friends and sometimes my parents. They enjoyed it as much as I did. It was one of my many prized possessions. An unexpected encounter with this set caught me by surprise.
Taking my eyes off that set with great effort I looked at the other items on the shelf. 

Just beside the tea set, there was a small telephone. The one I had as a kid was red in color. This one was white. However, the resemblance was uncanny. It was an old-style phone that could be found in almost each and every household. This telephone was used to call up my grandma or some of my friends.  I picked up the receiver of the phone wanting to call someone like I did when I was a kid, but adulthood got in the way!

Replacing the phone, I moved to the interior of the shop. I felt like a child in a candy store, looking around and spotting some pieces from here and there that were exclusively me! Or so I thought…
There was a pair of big huge goggles that were a fashion statement of the '90s. I remember having a picture of mine wearing the ones that were my mom's. It was a quintessential picture that almost all kids my age have. There was a line, on the shelf below, of boxes of colors. I smiled as I opened one of them. They smelled exactly the same as they did the last time I used them.

Moving on from the colors, my attention was drawn to the glass jars on the adjoining shelf. These jars were filled with colorful candies, chocolates, erasers of funny shapes, and some other stuff. It took an immense level of self-control to not open and empty those jars in my bag!

I turned around to the other side of the store. This part of the shop had various display cabinets. Through its glass display, I could see its contents. There were toys and books, cassettes and VCD's, video players, tape-recorders, cameras…and many more wonderful things. Going around the shop one would get an idea of what this shop was all about. A staircase caught my attention. There was a hidden loft to this store that I hadn’t notice up until now.

I walked up the stairs that led me to a whole new section of the shop. The ceiling was a little low so I had to stoop and walk around. This part held smaller desks that were filled with some more marvelous things, although they did not necessarily resemble me or my life. I found a small glass box in a velvet pouch. There was a note on top of it. It said 

“Dear Tooth-Fairy, My Mom says that you’ll come for visit and take this tooth back with you to your kingdom. She also says that I’ll get a gift from you in exchange. I don’t want any gifts. Please take it and keep it safe with you. Please bring it back to me when I’m old like my grandma and have no teeth to eat my favorite things. You must have her teeth with you too. If you could bring hers back she would be able to enjoy her favorite roasted peanuts. Thank you! Bye!"

The innocence of the note touched my heart. I did sincerely hope that the deal worked out!

Moving on to the other desks, there were letters, from people whose names I had never heard of. In the era of text messages and emails, handwritten messages and letters felt so personal. There were ink stains on the yellowed papers with a typical smell. These letters were living proof of an era where letters were the only way of communication. I did not open these letters to read. I just stared at the bundles of correspondence that were stored in this shop.

On another desk, there was a sparkling snow globe. It had a ribbon tied to it, with a small note that said, "To my dear Katie, I hope this X' mas brings in the same snow back home. – XOXO Frank” 

Then there was a stack of hand-made cards. Messages from the heart filled the cards and reminded me of those times when making a greeting on any occasion was my one point agenda!

Then there were small vintage mirrors, old boxes with pieces of broken jewelry, some old watches, old frames which were adored by photographs of smiling faces of strangers. There were numerous things, small and big, familiar and unknown, that were marked with memories. As I reached the end of the room, I stopped to look back and take it all in…what I felt at that moment can't be described in words. 

Those things may not belong to me, but they belonged to someone and were itched with their memories and thoughts. Though they were complete strangers it felt so good to experience something so personal.

Walking down the stairs, I was stunned and nostalgic, emotional, and euphoric all at the same time. I was too overwhelmed to talk, so as I reached the end, I sat down on the last step. Thinking about everything that I had witnessed in the shop I noticed that there was another peculiarity of this shop. There were no price tags on any of the items. Were these not for sale? What sort of shop is this that does not sell? I had questions but no answers. Unable to move, I continued sitting and staring at everything. Suddenly I caught movement behind the counter. Getting up, I saw someone at the counter. An old couple. They looked up as I approached them.
 
"Found anything that you like, my dear?" the old lady asked.
 
"Almost everything!" I said.
 
"How is it that all those things are related to me? What exactly is this place?" I asked.

"You've read the name.  It’s called the Nostalgia Shop. Everyone who visits finds something belonging to them. That’s the idea. Anyone who comes here will certainly find a piece of their soul in here." explained the lady.
 
"But how?” I asked curiously.

"A good trader never reveals the trade secrets!" the old man replied with a twinkle in his eyes.
 
"Just go in, look around and buy what you feel is missing from your life right now.” the old man replied.

"How do I decide what to buy? All these things are precious. On top of it, how much do I pay? There's no price tag on any of these items" I said.

"You seem to have entered the shop in a hurry. You missed out on reading about the payments. Go out and read. If you still want to buy we'll be here." the man said. I looked at the couple. They were smiling mysteriously.
 
In a dilemma, I stepped outside and looked closely. There was a small board near the door of the shop that said, ‘For every piece of Nostalgia we charge the worth, not the cost. What would you trade for a piece of Nostalgia? What would you trade for a piece of Nostalgia?’

I thought about it. What was the worth of all these? My happiness and my laughter? The love that I got and the memories that I've? Yes, the memories were precious but what was its worth?

Thankfulness! My heart replied. I smiled. The idea of choosing and buying just one of so many escaped. I couldn't possibly select. I decided that its worth wasn’t money and walked out, without feeling the need to go back in again. That's the thing about nostalgia, it hits you like a wave and leaves you wondering about all that was. But the thing to remember almost every time is that a moment that passes gets placed in the past. Nostalgia brings in a lot of things but never gives anything. That is when I got the idea of the shop. It never meant to sell. If it can be bought, it needs to be valued. But none of our geniuses have invented a "nostalgia-meter." This moment of epiphany answered all my questions.  I was happy and skipping and hopping again! It was a good day, a day well spent! 

120 Days of Summer

As we enter May, it would be completely wrong to say that summer has just started. On the contrary, summer is now on its glistening high! Summer has begun in its characteristic way as always. At the start of February, summer starts to tiptoe around. Its presence is hinted with the increasing length of days, the soft and mild breezes that float around, the beautiful and bright blossoms, and most of all the rise in the temperatures.

The added highlight of this season is vacations! The academic years near an end and the plans of holidays start to take shape. The hobby classes, visits to native places, and most of all lying around and relaxing! There is hardly any other season that allows this! The very last papers of the academic year are equivalent to going on war and emerging victorious. The legit sense of freedom and un-accountability that summer brings in is that what makes it special!

Every season, I feel brings in its unique color palette. Maybe that's why all the bright colors are seen around in summer. The entire atmosphere is bright and full of light. The same thing is reflected in the flowers and fruits of this season. They are all in shades of yellow, orange, red, pink, and a touch of white. The majestic "Gulmohar" next to my building is the prettiest this time around. The orangish flowers of the "Gulmohar" accompanied by its cool shade are my favorite.

In India, there are added "summer jobs" that are seen happening exclusively in summer. The prominent amongst them consists of the pickle making. Along with that, there are a lot of home-made specialties that are preserved throughout the year,  that require to be prepared in summer. Perhaps that is why the terrace of houses is seen bustling with ladies busy in preparations and with kids, ready to eat some of it! Another common addition to the Indian household is that of the earthen clay pot used to store drinking water.

Unlike the rest of the seasons, summer in India does not bring an excessive amount of festivities. It is simpler that way. However here summer in itself is a festival.  A lot of people have hated summers for it sucks out life, in their opinion. But I want to ask, have you ever seen the water in the summer? Glimmering in the heat and light and yet maintaining its coolness, flaunting an inviting shade of blue? The beauty of water in summer is that it makes you want to take a swim and not sit on the shore. Also, how can we forget the"summer fruits?"  It is the season to welcome and relish the king of fruits; Mangoes! With mangoes, all breakfast, lunch, and dinner problems are sorted!

Of all the things that summer offers the best part is the "vacations!" Most of our vacations are spent with visits from our out of town cousins and relatives. My mother often recounts her summer vacations spent on family farms with her cousins. The tree climbing, learning to swim from the elder cousins, and just eating and roaming and laughing and fooling around are some of the things that she has mentioned in detail every-time. Vacation, in general, are similar more or less everywhere. In my generation, it was gathering on the roof-top at night and listening to faraway tales from the grandparents and elders, and the rest of the day spent playing and lazing around & eating ice-creams.

In many ways, summer has always brought us so many moods of being relaxed which we require to face the rest of the year. Be it staying up late at night just having fun with cousins and enjoying the brotherhood or waking up late in the morning, be it watching T.V all afternoons or playing on the grounds with no worries of anything, this season has given us so many things all these years. Even now as a generation outgrows the "summer vacations" concept, the new generation looks forward to it like we did. That's the thing about summer. It's the most underappreciated of all seasons, in my opinion. It is perhaps the heat and water problems that are always at the forefront these days. Regardless, the beauty of summer has made it my favorite season of all time. And why not? For it is the only time of the year that we enjoy without reason!

An Ode to Womanhood

Do not live someone else's life and some one else's idea of what womanhood is. Womanhood is you. - Viola Davis 

8^th March is arriving and the entire world is preparing to celebrate "Womanhood."  The day when everyone sings the greatness of women. As a woman, frankly, I don't feel special especially on this day. I mean it is as ordinary as any other for me! I’m sure a lot of women might join me on this. Though it's been said over and over again that “just one day, doesn’t make a difference. Women are special everyday…”, I still say it.

Lately, I've started realizing a few things. These things are a lot related to my perspective of being a woman. As a woman, certain things are hammered on and drilled down in our feminine system. This is a universal fact. Regardless of the country, religion, caste, creed, color you belong certain things are globally common in all women. The ideologies of being picture-perfect versions of woman are expected everywhere.

Women are more than often perfectionists. Our obsession with details is well-known. Women are expected to be ideal in all the roles that we play. Many times it comes to us very naturally. The care, concern, love, empathy, etc. have been our natural highlights. But to add on it there are some newer modern-day names. One of which is popularly called "Super Woman". Super-Woman is a hybrid version of a woman who manages household responsibilities in addition to her career. A lot of women wear this label on their sleeve. There is no reason that they shouldn't do so.

But what I want to ask them, "Is it really necessary to wear yourself down to the bone?"  Won't be easier to be just a woman? Would our greatness be any less if we just focus on one thing at a time? Is it really necessary to be great? Can't we be ordinary and embrace our shortcomings?

As we're stepping into a new decade, the position of women today is marginally elevated than our predecessors. Yet I keep coming back to this one question. Where did it all start? Who decided that women are the weaker sex? Anything that has the power of creation can it be really weak in any way? Then what happened? Why do we need to be told we are strong?

I remember reading a story about an elephant. A grown-up elephant was secured to a poll by a string by its owner. One might question the owner’s sanity. Trying to secure an elephant by a mere string? But that’s the trick. The elephant stays put. The reason lies in the psyche of the elephant. What the shrewd owner does is that he ties the baby elephant by an iron rope. The baby tries to break it off. But the rope exceeds his power. Eventually, he accepts his destiny and stays without trying to escape, not realizing that as a grown-up his strength is far more than what is imprisoning him. It is all in his head.

This story applies to the entire women kind. The bondages that we hold in our heads are that of perfection, sacrifice, and of course of being a superwoman. It is not always the society expects this. In general, women are known to put the interest of their loved ones before theirs. There are so many leading examples where women with bright prospects stepped back just so their family members could pursue their dreams. We all know them and we all acknowledge their sacrifices for the success of their family members.

Their stepping back was their own choice forced through circumstances. They had to choose their family over their dreams. They did so happily and excelled at the task. But I wonder, do these women miss the possibility of what could have been? Most of the women that we adore fall in this very category. They are known for their sacrifice when they could have been known for their talents.

To add fuel to these self-sacrificing images and ideologies of women, the films, daily soaps, and many advertisements have also time and again proven their mettle. We have, at a point, submitted to the idea of “Adarsh Naari” (Ideal Woman). The amount of work that we put in to become this woman breaks my heart.

Women like Tanya Shergill, Avni Chaturvedi, Mitali Raj and many more have proven that their gender is neither an obstacle nor a privilege that they have. They have excelled in their field of interest and have proven that it is okay to be driven by career and not have typical female priorities.   Their success is the living example that it takes immense hard work, passion and struggle to reach the point of being idolized over the country.

Just recently there was an advertisement for a smart kitchen brand that showed a working father efficiently handling the kitchen chores and setting an example for his son when the mother is out late working. It closed with a line that if you want to teach your son the right things, set an example in front of him. I loved the idea that was put in to advertise a brand that sold the idea of smart kitchens. A lot of brands are seen making this conscious effort of promoting women-centric ideas. 

It was some time back when Mr. Anand Mahindra shared a picture on his twitter handle along with a post saying that the hurdles women face are way more than those faced by men. The household responsibilities and their career make it difficult to look after themselves. He acknowledged the fact that due to these hurdles the women representation on higher levels is very less.

The most under-appreciated job played by a woman, in my opinion, is that of a home-maker. This role plays the biggest part in shaping so many lives and is the perfect image of “Adarsh Naari." Home-maker women have over and over again sacrificed their hopes and their lives for their families. Yet they are often found saying that they are happy because their loved ones are progressing. Their job is the one that deserves the highest respect and payment in this world, gets neither.

Why do we do these to ourselves? Why do we value our happiness less important than that of our loved ones? Is it really necessary to sacrifice, to be ideal? Even today women are expected to give up on their aspirations and value the family. I'm not saying that family is not important. My only question is why are we expected to give up? Why do we give up on ourselves?

This 8^th March let's do a brand re-positioning of womanhood. Start by acknowledging the fact that we are also just humans. So it is okay to be tired and let things be. For it is only when we're truly happy ourselves can we make people around us happy! This Woman’s Day lets put our dreams, aspirations, and health on priority. History holds the struggle of so many women who sought freedom from the so-called bondage of womanhood. The only way to give justice to their struggles is to keep moving ahead towards a new horizon free of all prejudices that surround women.

Women are the reason for life. Break free of all notions and ideas that hinder your flight. Be a woman, for there is no higher blessing than being one...

1st February 2020

My Dear Nirbhaya,

How are you? I hope this question is not misplaced, given the way you left us. It's been 8 years since that horrific night. I read about it in the newspapers the following day and I just could not grasp the amount of torture, pain, suffering you must've been through. And for what? What had you done to have been treated in such a manner that'll shame not just the humans' but even animals? To date, I've been unable to find an answer to that question….

Ever since then there have been changes in the laws and the idea of women's safety. Politicians have won and lost elections on that very point but none of the steps taken have made the women in this country feel safe. Since you've passed there have been similar incidents across the country. You obviously must know having met those girls as well. 

Speaking of politicians, did you know our government banned a documentary made on this incident as it showed the nation in a bad light? But never the less, we've all watched it. Frankly, I wish that I hadn't. The recounting of that horrific night will continue to haunt me for the rest of my life. But it nears nothing to the excruciating pain that you have been through. What surprises me is your will to live. The doctors in the documentary said that they were baffled to see you conscious. Having medically assessed your condition they said it was a shock that you were even alive. After you were air-lifted for better care you told your parents that you want to live. Since then you've been our Nirbhaya- the fearless…. 

The reason why I'm writing this letter to you today is to tell you that your culprits will be hanged to death on the 1st of February, 2020. Though your pain and suffering will always leave us all scared forever, this is a small attempt of salvation. The justice came in late and is not in a  balanced way yet it is what it is! 

We've as a society failed over and over on many counts, this being the biggest failure of them all. If tomorrow the human race were to become history, I wonder if it would be our triumphs that'll be remembered or would it be our failures that'll mark our presence?

At the end of it, there's one thing as a woman that I've realized is that this is a never-ending battle. There might be a faint trace of light at the end of this tunnel but the entire tunnel is pitch dark. We are going to have to fight our own battles with the armor that's best suited for us. I just wanted to say that I do hope you forgive us all. You were the reason that the battle of women's safety took a revolutionary turn in this country. Wherever you are, know this that you are and will always remain, "India's Daughter".

From, 
A Daughter.  

RAIN,RAIN...

I sat in my room head down, studying and bearing the heat of the summer. It was the 2nd day of June. I desperately found myself wishing for the rains. But according to the weather guys, it would be a while. Oh! How I wished that they were wrong! Yet the weekend electricity mood swings made it unbearable to stand the increasing heat. As the sun was starting to set, suddenly the atmosphere had a 360° change.

The sky became grey and cloudy and the winds started blowing with all their might and before I could even say "it might rain" the showers hit the ground, leaving the most beautiful and tempting aroma in the air. Yes! The rains had finally arrived…the weather guys were wrong (yet again). As I rushed outside to take in the sweet scent of the wet earth, the rains picked up speed. The pots and small water vessels started filling up as I watched on.

I stood at the very tip of the porch, held my hand out and made a cup to hold the rains; drank the purity and felt rejuvenated. As I watched, people were rushing to find shelter and kids were overjoyed to get wet in the rains. They were splashing and jumping in the puddles and running around calling their friends. This site was equally fun and nostalgic.

Although I had learned in school that the showers come from the clouds in the sky, today I could see neither. As I glanced up all I could see were the endless streams of water, pouring down to calm the hot earth and quench her thirst.

I sat on the swing in the garden absorbing in the novelty of the season. For a change, the winds were chilled and refreshing. Everyone was surprised by the untimely rains, yet no one was complaining. Almost everyone had a smile on their faces as it rained on. Everybody was glad. Sitting on the swing, I was feeling relaxed and happy. Birds had taken shelter in the thick branches as they waited for it to stop raining although the greenery didn't seem to care for the inconvenience the rain was causing, for it was a sight for sore eyes! All I missed was a steaming cup of tea and maybe a plate of spicy and crispy onion fritters!

Eventually the pace of the showers reduced, the trees looked fresh green, the roads all clean with the occasional puddles here and there, the smell of wet mud in the air. The 1st rain assured a good run ahead.

I sat there for some time, thankful for the showers, and more thankful that I could enjoy them. The rains had washed off the heat of the summer and poured life into all, making everything seem new. I couldn't help but wonder could it do the same to me? Clean off the negativity that held me back and create room for new hopes?

As I sat there wondering, breathing in the fresh air I felt more alive. Thanking the Almighty for sweet showers I returned inside.

Life had resumed...

A Man Who Can Cook!

Over the years cooking and the kitchen has famously been called as a 'feminine turf'. The grandmas’ and mothers’ dominate this part of the household, but the 'professional' food industry is dominated by the males! Funny isn’t it? I have always wondered, how the families of these 'wanna-be-chefs' react when informed of their career choice!I say over the years, but if we look carefully at the food industry and history of food, it has always been dominated by males. I do have a few references that will prove my point. 

The first one is mythological. It’s about Mahabharata, the greatest of the wars that the mankind has ever witnessed. As many of you may know the war was amongst the Kauravas’ and the Pandavas’. The Pandavas’ were the 5 sons of king Pandu and his 2 wives: Kunti and Madri. Being the sons of king Pandu they were together called the Pandavas’. All the 5 were renowned warriors and each possessed special qualities. The mighty one was Bheema, strongest of all. He was an ardent food lover. If stories are to be believed, his eating habits were quite a talk of the town! Apart from being a hard-core foodie, he was quite a cook himself. Writer Devdutta Pattanaik mentions this in the book 'Jaya' an illustration of Mahabharata. According to Mr.Pattanaik, the creator of the famous South-Indian dish 'Aviyaal' is Bheema!

From mythology to history. The famous meat dish of India 'the Galouti Kebabs' was created for a meat-loving Nawab of Lucknow by a then famous chef. It is said that these were special kebabs that would just melt in the mouth. The kebabs were like that so that old toothless Nawab could enjoy and his meat craving would be satisfied!Now to the present. We have renowned chefs in the country who have become the favorites in many households. This list, of course, starts with Mr. Sanjeev Kapoor. He started his career on television through the famous show called ’Khana-khazana’. The show gained tons of popularity due to its new concept and of course its host. Chef Sanjeev Kapoor has laid a foundation of this glamorous food industry in India. Many have followed since then; Chef Kunal Kapur, Chef Ajay Chopra, Chef Ranveer Brar, Chef Saransh Goila, Chef Manu Chandra to name a few. Even on the global frontier, we have so many renowned male chefs. Some of them are legends like Chef Gordon Ramsey, Chef Gary Mehigan, Chef Matt Preston, Chef George Calombaris and our very own Chef Vikas Khanna. These examples prove that kitchen and cooking isn’t just a feminine responsibility. So when did this concept of “men don’t cook” originate? This concept not only originated but also has been hammered into the minds of so many generations. That is the reason that a man helping his mom, wife in the kitchen was regarded as a madman. There are so many who flaunt their record of ’never ever having picked up a glass of water’.When the society thought that earning for the household is a male job and taking care of the kitchen and other family needs is a feminine job, a man not able to cook wasn’t such a disaster. However, today when women have become self-sufficient in all possible ways, why aren’t the men taking up learning cooking?Unless it’s absolutely necessary, a man does not learn to cook. This may seem like some kind of male bashing, but rest assured it is not. In an era of equality of the sexes, shouldn’t the men consider cooking? A man who can cook is always loved and adored by women. It is not just because he can cook. It is because of what cooking represents. Cooking isn’t just cutting, chopping, tossing, frying; it’s a sentiment. How often have we heard “maa ke haath ka khana” phrase? This food that the mom prepares reflects her love, care, and concern for the family. All those sentiments act on the food that she prepares and makes it one of a kind. Now, men are generally known to be reserved on emotional grounds. When they cook, it shows affection, care and their love for the family. The delicateness that all the cooking related things require also adds up to the fondness. Above all food is a factor that binds a family. There’s nothing more satisfying than being able to appease the hunger of the entire family. 

In this generation where even after having a career, a woman is still expected to be able to cook, why should the men be excused from this? Try spending a little quality time in the kitchen and it’ll help you win over the hearts of many women and also become self-sufficient! A man who can cook is a fantasy of almost any and every woman. If you are a man who knows to cook,  you’ll be on the top of the list, because there’s nothing as endearing as a man who can cook!

The Once Upon A Time Nostalgia...

                 Once upon a time... All the magic began with these words. These words had the power to quiet down a crying child, screaming classrooms, sleepless duos of cousins and friends. Along with these words, as listeners, we were transported to a whole different world. This world had beautiful princesses looking after their family or been looked after by their foster care or even 7 dwarfs!! They had long beautiful hair, and most of all the ability to believe. The ability to believe that everything that is good takes time. For them it was freedom from step-mothers or witches or even cruel spells. The ultimate goal was to fall in love with the prince charming and marry him and live happily ever after.

         Even so along with these there were stories that taught us values. The morals in the story stayed with us all our childhood and even after growing up, they do have a certain influence on us. Whether it be the story of the tortoise and the hare, the mice planning to bell the cat, the monkey and her kid, the camel and his judgmental attitude….so many stories that its even difficult to recollect all.

            I remember there were these books with different coloured covers. They came in red, yellow, purple, blue, and green. Almost every kid my age had those books. Those moral stories were some of the best.

        What I remember about these stories are the beautiful pictures that depicted the story so well. The most favorite picture was in the story of the mice and the cat, where the mice decide to tie a bell around the cat so as to alert them when it’s coming to eat them. These mice lived in the grocery shop and the pictures of the shop were just so beautiful that I used to keep staring at those for a long time.

         Stories hold such an important influence on all of our lives. People may or may not read these books, but some stories pass on from generations to generations and remain true even then, after such a long journey.

        Just some time back, I visited an exhibition. It was a normal sale of products and food stalls etc. I remember halting at a particular stall. This stall was selling CD’s of the stories and poems for the kids. They had put on some Cd's as demo for their prospective buyers’. The Cd's played the stories with subtitles and everything. But something about those pictures was highly disturbing. The lack of subtlety and appeal to the kids was something I noted in those.

         As I walked home, I started to remember my childhood and the stories that I grew up on. It is said that the 90’s generation is the generation which has faced changes more often than any other. That is the reason this generation hardly now of 23-27 years is heard saying things like,” in my childhood I had this thing.” or “ today’s kids will never have what we had!”  Usually, these lines are supposed to be said by the grandparents or parents. But definitely not by the ‘young guns’.

       But it’s true.  Kids these days have missed out on so much that it’s really hard not to feel extremely sorry for them as technology rules every aspect of their childhood. We were, as a generation lucky and proud to have had a childhood that did not include excessive technology. In this memorable childhood, stories formed an immensely important part. To get our homework done in time, or to make us eat some kind of vegetable, to make us go to bed; stories were often told as a bribe! And it actually worked…!

        The huge difference was that there were story ‘books’. Now its kindle, or e-book, or even better Cd's. The best we had were cassettes. Those were played over and over again and the stories were unforgettable! With every story a scenario was created in our minds and we were lost in the story.

      The one change our generation definitely regrets is of the epic “cartoon network”. That was the favorite channel in every house. Sometimes when cable connections were not available, it was perfectly fine to go over to a friend’s place to watch your favorite cartoon. The 90’s saw the best creations in cartoons. Tom & Jerry, Scooby doobie do, Dexter’s laboratory, The LooneyToons show, The Bugs Bunny show, The road runner show, the powerpuff girls, Captain Planet, Flintstones, the Adam’s family, Dennis the menace etc etc etc….the list is endless.

       These weren’t just cartoons. They taught us so many things. Like because of Popeye we all wanted to eat spinach, like Dexter we wanted to invent something, Scooby and the team taught us that the real monsters are actually around us and also the importance of working in a team… they had values, innocence and comedy that appealed and called out to every single kid!  

       The best thing was grandmother's stories. Those were the stories that taught us so many things. Those stories felt like an old tradition that was passed on richly. Those stories had mythology, history, and some made-up items as well! I remember my grandmother telling me a particular made up story over and over again just because I loved it! That story however childish it sounds now, is the best memory of her that I have!  It was a holiday special and the best time I associate with my childhood!

      Other than grandparents, the parents also joined in this tradition. Moms’ usually told stories during lunch time and bed time was generally reserved with dads’. The stories consisted of princes, princesses, kings and queens, the Mahabharata and Ramayana. Some well-known comic book characters like Chacha Chaudhary, Supandi, Archie and his friends, Tintin, Garfield, Winnie the Pooh and his gang were the hot favorites! The wise stories of Akbar-Birbal, Tenali-ram were always a treat to listen to! I remember every time I listened to or read those stories; I was awed by their intelligence and wits! Then there were stories like Goldie-locks and the bears, or the little red riding hood which were used as a way to warn about the dangers of wandering away or talking to strangers.

    Other than our parents and grand-parents, stories were mostly heard in schools. I remember some very memorable stories I had in my school syllabus as a kid. One was of a hen who tries to bake a bread for her kids and asks for help from others who refuse and she does the whole work all by herself and relishes the bread not sharing it with anyone but her kids. The pictures narrating this story were so beautiful that it was one of my most favorite lessons! Then there were library periods, where the teacher usually narrated different stories. Some of the famous tales with morals came from Jataka, Aesop’s Fables. As kids we weren’t allowed in the library. But the stories of Enid Blyton were the most popular ones. Other than library period there were narrations in our textbooks about the first train journey, the first plane journey, and some folklore from different cultures around the world.

      Now when I look back and see, I feel that the phrase once upon a time… had the most impact on us as kids. Even today when I hear anyone start a story with that (which usually starts with that!) I feel the excitement mount up.

    Some of the iconic stories I remember are of the turtle and the rabbit. This was the most commonly repeated story. Then there was the story of the thirsty crow, and then the donkey and the horse, the monkey and the cap trader, the wolf under the sheep’s skin and so many more… Every story taught us a value in a fun and entertaining way.

     These stories have created an impression on our souls and have actually enriched us through our lives. The 'once upon a time', isn’t just an expression but it holds the key to an extremely memorable childhood. What today’s kids miss through their tech-savvy childhood is this, the nostalgia, the simplicity of being a kid and the wonderful experience of these stories! The colourful pictures in the books, the smell of those story books, the excitement of listening to a new story or an old one over and over again and so many other feelings that are associated with those stories and those times!

      Times have changed as they always do. It’s never considered as a sign of a wise man to hang around in the past. But at some moments like these when we pause and think about all that we have had and got to do as children, should be savoured unapologetically, because…once upon a time we too were kids!!!   

Expectations...!

" We love to expect,and when expectation is either disappointed or gratified,we want to again be expecting."-Samuel Johnson

It was just yesterday that I was sitting in an overcrowded clinic waiting for my turn, when an old man along with his wife and daughter entered the clinic. The man inquired about the appointment at the reception and looked around, realizing that there was no place to sit down. I too noticed that and got up to offer my seat to him. He took it without a word of thanks. He looked as if it was my moral duty to give him my seat as the age was on his side. I did not like it and was surprised mildly at his no acknowledgement attitude. But I was even more surprised the way I felt. After doing something so thoughtful and nice, generally I should have felt nice or happier. But on the contrary I kept thinking of this man as rude because he did not acknowledge my good deed. That is when i realized something.. I did not offer him the seat just of good manners but also with a hidden expectation that he should thank me. When that did not happen it disappointed me so much that it outweighed my good deed..!

"Expectation is the root cause of all heartaches"-William Shakespeare

That's what it is! We keep wondering why? And all the while the answer is too much expectation..! Why is it so? Why is it that every time we have to expect something? Are there no self-less good deeds? In the internationally famous T.V series F.R.I.E.N.D.S, one of the most adored characters Joey says this to his friend Phoebe explaining to her that there is no such thing as "selfless good deed". Maybe it’s true. Every time we may not get something materialistic but at least that "feeling-happy-about-myself" emotion is what we deserve..!

That's what happens to us..! Most of the times we have a self-programmed "expectation manual" built in our system. It functions on default without us "expecting...!" What is dangerous is the results it produces. And the aftermaths...!

So is there a way to stop expecting or expecting less...??? Frankly I don't know. I don't see how we can overcome this problem. But here's what we all can do... We are all familiar with the "Expectation v/s Reality" thing that is popular on the social networks. This thing has perfectly captured the difference between these two things.

The psychiatrists have said that a normal human mind engages itself into creation of perfect scenarios 99% of the time it’s awake..!! We tend to fall prey to our own creation which turns into expectations without us least expecting it. What we have to understand that our expectations are limited just to the creations in our head. The person we are dealing with has no idea what so ever of our expectations.

Sometimes our expectations come true but not in the form we expect them to be...  The package is a bit different. Maybe a wee bit better. Can't say how; but its true a majority of times. It’s what they call "Karmic circle". One of my all-time favorite writer J.K.Rowling says this in one of the "Harry Potter" books...

"Things that we lose have a way of coming back to us in the end,if not always in the way we expect"

 We have to learn to do something despite of what we expect. One of my amigo recently pointed out that i expect too much or at least something of everything and I introspected; only to find out it was true. What we expect is most of the times so different than what we get. But even after that the conscience must be the one to be happy, satisfied, or at peace. If that happens then maybe we can get over our disappointment of not getting what we expect. At the end of the day, that's what matters more than anything.

So the key to happiness is not emphasizing on fulfillment of every expectation. It's as simple as that……